One day, Facebook suggestion ruined it by suggesting that I should add you.
All that is lost. Now I’m back to thinking about you everyday.
I would rather go back to the day where I don’t know where or how to reach you.
It’s true what people say.
Ignorance is bliss.
She got so weak, we had to let her go.
Cancer took away my grandfather and now her.
It hurts so much and I can't stop crying.
I thought I can handle it, but I really can't.
I knew it would come to this, but once it really happened, I can't handle it.
She was suffering, she couldn't barely breathe.
It was reasonable to let her go, we just couldn't let her suffer anymore.
But if it's the right thing to do, then why does it hurt this much?
It's ridiculous how I'm writing a blog over this.
2009 had been terrible for me most of the time. I lost my grandpa to cancer, among other bad things. Loosing him is the worst. It feels so strange without him, but I'll probably get used to it soon enough.
But it's not all bad. Last year I finally got a laptop of my own, got a decent grade in my new college, and lost about 5 pounds. [haha, the last one wasn't much, my goal is to loose 13 more.]
I still don't have a boyfriend, but I don't really care about it anymore. If no guys love me, it's alright. My family and my best friend, Mellie, do. That is enough for me, I'm not greedy.
Everything that happened in 2009 will never happen again this year. 2010 is going to be my year for a change. I'll be 23 and hopefully I'll graduate college before my 25th birthday.
I'm done being a disappointment.
I'm done being a failure.
I'm done being weak.
I'm going to smile more.
I'm going to read more.
I'm going to love more.
I will be better.
Or at least I'll try.
It's two am and I'm still not sleeping. Sleep is a hard thing to do for me these days. It all started after my grandfather died. For a while, it was hard for me to fall asleep. After two weeks, it became easier. Then it changed, three nights ago. I remembered how I cried for almost an hour, it was uncontrolable. I don't wanna go into the details, but let's just say that someone that I love most hurt me. Torn my heart into millions little pieces, even if he didn't mean to. Or maybe he does, but he doesn't realized it.
The funny thing is, no matter how many times he had hurt me, I always go back to him. He doesn't have to do anything, I would just run right back into him without even thinking twice about it. He's someone I can never get over. He's the one guy that I love unconditionally and uncontrolably. I'm not sure if that make any sense at all, but it does to me. The feelings I have for him are real, even when someone says that it's not. It seems real to me, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. One thing I can't say though, was his name. Not because it's a secret, it's because I simply can't.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't known him. Would my life be any less painful? Would my life be any easier? Would I be the person that I am right now? The biggest question of all, would I be happier? Of course, that ship had already sailed. It's been almost two years now, and the feeling I felt when I first saw him was still there. I could still feel that feeling everytime I see his face. I don't know how or why he has so many affects on me. All I know is that it will probably never go away. Hell, I'm not even sure if I want it to go away. I love the feeling I get when I see him, it made me happy. I don't think anyone has ever had this affect on me before, even with someone more good looking than he is.
It's not just his appearance that made me hooked on him like a drug I can't give up. It was, and still is, his words. He doesn't say the sweetest things, or the happiest things. He says what he feels and most of the time he's not afraid to admit how fragile he really is, despite of the way he looks. Sometimes he hides that inside, but I could see it in his eyes. Or at least I think I see it. There are so many things about him that made me love him so much, but there's only one that made me feel like I shouldn't. Even if he doesn't mean to, he hurts me more than anyone ever did.
I guess that comes with love, the pain. Is that what love is supposed to be? Pain and suffering? The fact is, love doesn't always have to hurt, but for him? I am willing to take the pain, even if it kills me.
I should be back next week or longer.
Not just any picspam.
It's a Shirtless Craig Owens picspam.
Because, let's face it.
A Shirtless Craig Owens is just as awesome as Craig Owens with clothes.
Or maybe even better.
I can't pick really.
Man, I'm such a perv sometimes.
Let's start with this one, AP shoot. Oh how I love that photoshoot.
and Warped Tour, I love Warped Tour.
It's not a big surprise that everybody wants to touch him. (Me included, obviously.)
This bash is probably the best ever. Kudos to whoever took these.
Let me know if you did, I'll send you cookies.
And you know I just love it when he's on stage, especially when he's shirtless.
Yes, even with the weird face.
Because let's face it, he's full of awesome.
And he knows it, otherwise he wouldn't have taken his own pictures shirtless like that.
Right, and that's the end of part 1.
I would be an idiot if I don't make another one.
Not sure if it's gonna be shirtless again though.
Not that I care, new or old.
He's still Craigery Michael Owens.
The most awesome and attractive singer/songwriter/performer/writer ever. (He is to me, shut up!)
I don't feel any different.
I'm not sure if I should.
This year has been terrible.
Well, not always, but still.
My only wish for this year is to be happy.
I don't want anymore bad news.
No more bands breaking up.
No one leaving anything.
I really wish good things to happen from now on.
Happy Birthday to me.
Not that it matters.